日期查询:2014年08月25日
别奢求完美,活在当下,你就会幸福

为什么我们得不到幸福?

Some people have automatic negative re-sponses when they hear “happiness”be-cause the word frequently spurs the desire to attain and cling to something. It can trigger us to want more: more positive feelings, more success, more stuff, more prestige, and even more control. 

Nevertheless, I have made peace with the word. I am an ordinary person who want to take the word “happiness” out of Hollywood’s grip and explore the deeper meaning it holds for a great many people.

According to my research, most people don’t associate happiness with a state of “hav-ing,”but with an experience of “being,”. I con-cluded that happiness to ordinary people goes be-yond wanting more and is looked upon as an ex-perience of participation in life, an experience of “being here.”

Uderstanding and evaluating happiness are cognitive functions. The question is how we can turn our cognitions into felt realities. How can we turn “I know of happiness, including in my own life”into “I am being happy –I am being here”? 

You can only be happy as in experiencing “being here” when you reach a certain state which is not “here”but “there,”that is far, far away from you.

We live in this concrete world in which every-thing is impermanent and fragile, necessitating ex-ertion and growth. Yet, this does not mean that we can actually reach a perfect state. No person has ever acquired it. 

There is no way that we can learn so well that our brain cells rigidify and stay that particular way. If they did, they would be dead. We can neither reach perfect health nor control nor enlightenment. Along the same lines, we cannot reach a state of happiness. Our brains just don’t work like that.

In order to reach happiness, please take care of yourself and get help the best you can. But nev-er wait for a perfect state. The moment, not you, becomes perfect when you look at it as such. You can experience happiness now, fresh, again and a-gain. By allowing yourself to be open to your reali-ty right now, you are “being here”and becoming fully alive.

一听到“幸福”,有些人就容易不自觉地产生一种消极反应,因为为了得到“幸福”,人们会多很多去争取东西的欲望。它让我们想要的更多,比如,想要更多的爱,更多的成功,更多的东西,更多的威望,甚至更大的权利。

不过,我对“幸福”已无感。我只是一个普通人,所以,我尝试将“幸福”从好莱坞(指上层社会)所支配的世界里抽离出来,去探索更深层次的幸福意义。

根据我的研究,大部分人并没有把幸福看成是“拥有”幸福,而是把它看作是一种“存在”体验。而我得出的研究结论是:普通人的幸福超过了对欲望的渴望,他们将幸福看作参与生活的一种体验,一种刹那的体验。

理解幸福不是一件容易的事儿,而是一种认知功能。我们如何才能将认知转变成现实,怎样才能把“我知道幸福,我也知道自己的生活里有幸福”,转变成“我现在很幸福——我正活在当下。”

“活在当下”,你才能获得幸福,但如果你在意的不是当下的状态,那么幸福会离你越来越远。

我们生活在一个非常现实的世界,一切都是那样短暂、脆弱,逼迫着我们去奋斗、去成长。但是,这并不意味着我们能够达到一种完美的境界。而且,我也相信,从来没有人达到过,所以不要强求。

我们没法通过学习,或是让脑细胞固定并保持到某种特定的状态,除非大脑死了。否则,我们不可能达到完美的健康,也不可能完全控制自我或者彻底觉悟。同样,我们不能达到一种幸福的状态,因为我们的大脑根本就不是那样工作的。

但是,为了得到幸福,请你好好照顾自己,让自己获得最好的帮助。但也别去奢求等候一个完美的状态。因为你关注了当下本身,而渐渐变得完美。这样你才能真正体验幸福,才能精力充沛,打开并面对真实的自我。你就能活在“当下”,活得圆满。

■文/本报记者郝丹铭

神口语

Ordinary 

 adj. 普通的;平常的;一般的;平庸的n.普通,平常的人

ordinary表示普通,当你想表示自己只是一个普通人,只想过普通生活时,可以说:“I am just an ordinary people who wants to have a normal life.”normal也表示普通的,寻常的,和ordinary是同义词。

Concrete 

  adj. 具体的,实际的;混凝土制的; n. 混凝土;有形诗;vt. 使凝固;用混凝土修筑;萃取

concrete的意思是和具体实物和混凝土有关,但是当它和world、society连在一起时,则表示现实,即现实的世界,现实的社会。

What’s Wrong With You?你有毛病吗?

在美剧中,what's wrong with you 经常在吵架中出现,表示“你有病啊?你是神经病吗?你这人怎么回事儿啊”的意思。更有意思的是,被骂的人,通常会用同样的话来回击。此外,如果不加with you,只说what's wrong的话,则没有那么强的攻击性,只表达“怎么了”的简单意思。

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